I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
