Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Randomize
