i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
