after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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