i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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