I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
