Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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