you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
