Plan B is the new Plan A
Swine flu. Run for my life!
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
