his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
