I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I think your dad took our porno
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
