yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
