You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i would punch a child for taco bell
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
