Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
