All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
