PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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