you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
