I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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