She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm too high and old for this...
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
