Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
