She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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