dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Someone came in the potted fern
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
