Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
