how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
