Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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