Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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