His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
