no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
