Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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