I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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