Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
