just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
