I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
