Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
and you fell through a lawn chair
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
