my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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