if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
It's never too late to be topless.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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