The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
