Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
