dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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