Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
