Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
