i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
