She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
