I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
you had me at cake vodka
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
