I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
