you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
