yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Randomize
