So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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