I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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