Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
