Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
