you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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