no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
